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Marlborough School Student Newspaper
The Student News Site of Marlborough School

The UltraViolet

The Student News Site of Marlborough School

The UltraViolet

Because I said so: Why everyone should vote for Trump

Photo by Wikimedia Commons
Photo by Wikimedia Commons

First of all, Trump is a winner; he put it eloquently at his press conference to announce his campaign by saying, “I’m really rich.” Since America is basically just a big business, doesn’t it make sense to hire a business man to lead this money maker? After all, the only needs this country has are on a monetary level. Not only is Donald Trump a winner, as his website,, states, he is also “the very definition of the American success story, continually setting the standards of excellence…”

It’s a known fact that the definition of the American success story is being born into a wealthy family and inheriting wealth and an empire. Hard work is nice and all, but being born with the right name and the right trust fund is what really matters. Success in America is also defined as marrying a supermodel, which Trump has done three times.

I know it may seem as though Trump isn’t smart, but he is actually impressively intelligent; he is a Wharton business school graduate who turned his multimillion dollar empire into a multibillion dollar empire. Trump knows business. America is a business. Therefore, Trump knows America.

Anyone who knows America knows that we should continue the long line of old, white, rich men controlling the country. We also know that foreign policy and government experience aren’t important in making a good president. Trump fits the profile of a perfect president not just because he has never held a governmental position or engaged in foreign policy beyond having an international chain of hotels. He has everything going for him.

Amazing hair? Check.

Excellent facial expressions? Check.

Tons of money? Check.

Feeling of total superiority? Check.

Donald Trump fits the bill for president in every way imaginable. Why shouldn’t we have a president who calls everyone who criticizes him a loser? Why shouldn’t we have a president who attacks women who ask him questions or disagree with him? Trump didn’t just shut down Megyn Kelly, a Fox News political commentator and the moderator of the first GOP debate, for asking him questions; he shut her down for being a menstruating woman. Trump didn’t just shut Carly Fiorina down for criticizing him at the second GOP Debates; he shut her down for not meeting his standard of beauty. In his words, “Look at that face!”…Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” Shouldn’t our president be the one truly flawless American? By this theory, many of you probably think Beyoncé should be the president, but you aren’t considering that she’s a woman and obviously a woman can’t be the ruler of the free world.

Everyone is quick to mention that Donald Trump may be a flip flopper because he has changed his party affiliation multiple times, but don’t we all get confused sometimes? Don’t you ever think you want a breakfast burrito from the cafe but then you come to your senses and realize you want a sunrise quesadilla? If you still don’t think Donald Trump should be president, let me show you just some of the issues with his major opponents.

Jeb Bush: Has way too much experience, obviously

Ben Carson: is a pediatric neurosurgeon because he can’t handle adults lol

Carly Fiorina: obviously can’t be president since she is a woman

Lindsey Graham: Has a girl name

Ted Cruz: according to
Wikipedia, he was born in Canada, so is he even

Marco Rubio: only has a B+ rating from the NRA

Chris Christie: governor of New Jersey not even New York

John Kasich: Has no

Rand Paul: Has a terrible perm

Rick Santorum: already lost once

In short, if you aren’t voting Trump because he has no government experience, is a beloved New York professional fire-er on TV, has incredible pure gold hair and eyebrows (looking at you, Rand and John), and is the loudest and recognizable person of the Republican platform, vote for him because he is a winner. I swear by the almighty father Saint Reagan, you won’t regret voting for our nation’s hero, Donald J. Trump.

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