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The UltraViolet

Marlborough School Student Newspaper
The Student News Site of Marlborough School

The UltraViolet

The Student News Site of Marlborough School

The UltraViolet

To kill a mocking-book
To kill a mocking-book
February 21, 2024

Eggs-treme Home Makeover

Graphic by McKenna ’14.
Graphic by McKenna ’14.

For the past year, a two-story home in Euclid, Ohio has been bombarded with raw eggs multiple times each week, but Euclid police have not cracked the case. 85-year-old owner and resident, Albert Clemens Sr. has lived in the house for 60 years and has no plans to move out. “I would live and die in this house — but it’s been kind of a nightmare,” he remarked to the press. Police have used tactics such as staking out, installing a video camera, and handing out wanted signs for the elusive criminal to no avail. The investigators have traced the eggs back to a nearby Amish farm and tested for DNA evidence on the leftover shells. Unfortunately for the police, the protein that oozes out of the shell has destroyed any evidence of DNA. The only certainties of the case are that the attacks are “shelled” from one to two blocks away and last approximately 10 minutes long. The Euclid police are determined not to give up on the vandalism. Although the egging has decreased during the colder months, the “egg-nomious” criminal is expected to start pelting again as the weather gets warmer.

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