Well, it’s that time of the year, that time when you sit down with a pen and a piece of paper, and decide that starting on January 1st you absolutely will not eat another bag of potato chips. Nor will you blow your monthly allowance on a fabulous pair of stupid-high wedges. Your list looks a little sparse, a little too easy, so you grudgingly write down that you will also cut “Grey’s Anatomy” from your TiVo list, because really, it’s 42 minutes of mindless drivel. You put some extra flourishes on your resolutions, and voilà, you’re ready for the New Year! You nod your head confidently, saying “Yes, this is gonna be the year! I will be good!” And if you’re like me, come January 2nd, you’ve already tossed the list in the trash.

Every time I make one of these lists and solemnly swear that I will abide its rules, I fail. Are my goals too high? Am I too weak?  Okay, I know you’re thinking it’s the latter, and I’m kind of thinking it too, but all the same… there must be some flaw in my recipe for resolutions. So this year, I’ve tweaked it just a wee bit. I will complete every item on my list. The catch is that my list will be shockingly easy. As in, so easy that it would be embarrassing if I couldn’t finish it. The following resolutions shall be the headliners of my New Year.

1. I will definitely go buy a new pair of sneakers for the gym. Maybe I’ll wear them, but probably not. It’s the thought that counts.

2. I will not rack up a debt at Café M of more than $100.56 (this has happened before, and my parents’ reaction wasn’t pretty).

3. I will delete my Club Penguin account.

So many goals, and only a year to finish them… but I will finish them! And next December, we’ll see who finished the most resolutions. It’s gonna be this kid (insert finger point at chest here).