The air is thick with an indiscernible smell. The humidity clings to your skin as you breathe in. You hear a scream, a cry a laugh. These noises surround you, they overlap, primal, urgent. You’re pushed forward and back, side to side, lost in a current of pure madness.
Time slows down. You’re lost at sea. You don’t know where you are, who you’re with, what your future entails or even what your name is. Welcome to Café M at 12 o’clock.
An environment much akin to a jungle, the Caf has no rules. As you brave the wild expanse of dilly-dalliers, line cutters and, the worst offenders of them all, the pay-by-namers, it’s survival of the fittest. Here there is no logic, no mercy, just a carnal desire for food. Only the strong can survive.
But I know that we, the students of Marlborough School, are better than this. We must rise from the chaos and restore order in the Caf during lunch. It’s time to set some ground rules.
Back in the olden days, when I was a wee 7th grader in 2019, there was a set of unspoken but clear rules. When seniors and 7th graders alike embarked on the journey of acquiring meals, these rules guided us, providing us with a North Star. If any of us dared step out of line, we were gifted with withering stares from upperclassmen. To bring us back to those times of order, here is a list of rules I hope we can all abide by.
Rule number 1: Please no backpacks. There was once a time when a backpack would never see the bright fluorescents of the Caf. Instead, they would sit in a seemingly endless heap outside the door. Why, you may ask, is this necessary? Well, let me describe a common scenario I know many of us can relate to. You’re idly standing in line, perhaps having a conversation with a friend, when all of a sudden: boom- the wind is knocked out of your lungs and you stumble back. Someone has unknowingly swung their 50-pound backpack in your direction. I’m here to say that this is simply unacceptable. Let us be brave and leave our bags outside. I assure you it will still be there once you come back.
Rule number 2: No cutting. A pet peeve almost any student can relate to: Seeing the end of the infinite sandwich line, you’re two people away when all of a sudden a group of friends knows the person in front of you. Soon the two people turn into seven, and you’re impossibly far from the front once again. As Marlborough students, we have dignity and can wait our turn. I know we all have busy lives and places to be, but have a little respect and common decency.
Rule number 3: Café M, especially during peak lunch hours, is no place for indecision. I implore you, leave uncertainity at the door. Instead of wandering around Café M, peering at all your options, know what you want going in. Our very own Kaila ’25 is an excellent example. Every day she marches into the café and orders the “Kaila special,” a salami and provolone sandwich with pesto sauce and pepperoncini, wasting no time and creating no traffic jams.
Rule number 4: Last, but most certainly not least, bring your ID. This is pretty self explanatory, but the long lines we all experience would be much shorter if the pay-by-namers had their cards.Don’t be like me, yelled at by seniors during the first week of 7th grade. Follow these recommendations and order will once again be restored to the Caf.
