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Margaret’s Declassified School Napping Guide


As I slog slowly through the school year, I find that the seemingly simple task of keeping my eyes open during the school day, or, for that matter, during the weekend, has become increasingly difficult. Sometimes the feeling of tiredness begins the moment you wake up, forcing you to spend the rest of the day dreaming about fluffy pillows and fuzzy blankets. Other times, it comes over you in a flash at 1:30 in the afternoon, causing classmates to have to awkwardly poke you to see if you are, in fact, still alive.

In order to address this problem, some hopelessly idealistic fools will tell you to get more sleep, but because this is not very realistic, I have resorted to the great art of napping. Though napping itself does not require great skill, choosing an adequate location often poses a problem. I have therefore compiled a list of socially acceptable places to nap around campus.

1. The car. This ideal location provides you with a cushion-y space free from questioning stares. Additionally, you can usually use your mournful, sleep-deprived eyes to bully the person driving you into turning on some relaxing music, making the ride even nicer.

2. The (school) bus. (Definitely not a public bus. You will be judged—and probably sat on.) Though not quite as comfy as the backseat of a car, the bus’s long seats provide maximum surface area on which to spread out. It is probably a wise idea to strap yourself in before drifting off.

3. The couches outside of the ARC (but not next to the bathrooms). Though slightly noisy, these are probably some of the comfiest places to lie down on campus. For maximum napping benefit, it is advisable to wear your rattiest sweater and be covered in your grungiest blanket. This way, you will look so pitiable and sad that people won’t bother you.

4. Pushed-together armchairs in the ARC. This location is best after the end of the school day, when not enough people are around to give you weird stares, and when you might actually have a chance of getting a chair to yourself.

5. The stairwell next to the ARC. This space is generally pretty quiet—though cement is perhaps not the most comfortable surface or the most beneficial one for your back.

Besides these spots, try not to get carried away by lying down in the hallway or by the lockers. People will just think you’re dead.